From Buttlight to Naked Protest to Penis-Pumping Judge

1. A inmate in Pakistan woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb up his butt. Last night, doctors took it out in a one-and-a-half hour operation. "Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort," Fateh Mohammad said in relief. Mohammad said he didn't know who did this to him, perhaps "police or other prisoners." The doctors who removed the bulb doubt his explanation. (Reuters)

2. Pamela Anderson took all but her panties off in Stella McCartney's boutique window yesterday, not just for the heck of it, but for fur, god damn it. Anderson said of celeb fur-wearers, "I don't think that's glamorous at all ... especially the ones that are starting to put them [fur] in their clothing lines like J. Lo and Beyoncé ... it's really important for them to be conscious of what they wear, especially as they're fashion icons." (TMZ)

3. Absurd case of the moment right now is one from Oklahoma where ex-Judge Donald D. Thompson is being tried for using a penis pump in the courtroom while cases were going on. The past couple of days, jurors enjoyed attorneys on both sides gesticulating masturbation and squeezing the pump to demonstrate the volume of the "sh sh" sound in court. Former court reporter Lisa Foster cried as she testified about how she saw Thompson's everything at least 15 times. Now, inducing crying--is that good or bad? (NYT)

Star Boot Overdue, New iPod Not To Come, Reject Rejects, and Old, Shiny, Happy People

1. To add insult to injury, Star Jones not only (felt like she) got fired from TheView but actually should've been "fired" months ago--the latter which Barbara Walter told the NYT. Apparently, Jones' plugging of products on the show so that she can receive them free for her wedding, amongst other off-air behavior, garnered her negative publicity. Don't you just love it when Bridezillas get their comeuppance instead of their own reality show? Or at the very least, the word, comeuppance?

2. Don't hold your breath for a new iPod to come out unless you can hold your breath for over half a year. Experts are saying that a 4 or 8 or 12 gig iPod won't be coming out until December most likely due to Apple's need to tinker with having a substantial battery life to accomodate a wider screen. (Ars Technica)

3. All American Rejects' singer Tyson Ritter says his song-writing process is done in the frame of mind of a woman, that is, with "no sense of rationality or direction ." Ritter also shared his disfavor for Coldplay for its repetitive beats and by cleverly saying to bandmate Chris Gaylor, "You know why you're gay?...Because you like Coldplay." Um, way to alienate your potential and actual fan base--perhaps name of band actually carries no irony whatsoever. (TMZ)

4. Though your body might be falling apart after 50, don't worry--you'll be much more positive and emotionally stable says a new study. So young folks, sulk sulk sulk all you want and ignore your optimistic elders' advice. Your brain is just horribly underdeveloped that way. (Science News)

Famous Friends, Global Cooling Proposals, Great Ape Rights, and Harry Potter Dies?

1. In a groundbreaking move, Spain's parliament will become the first national legislature to declare rights for non-humans by announcing its support for granting rights to life and freedom for great apes. Did someone just watch Wicked? (Reuters)

2. Two characters will die in the final Harry Potter book, JK Rowling revealed, though she won't say if one of the corpses will be Harry's. How can you not love a woman who will make millions of children cry their hearts out? Lift and crush! (BBC)

3. Now that global warming has become somewhat of a concern, some once/still somewhat absurd proposals are finally finding a printed home in established journals. So prepare yourself to hear about ideas like building sunshades in orbit to relieve the earth of overheating itself, putting sun-reflecting disks in the ocean, spraying salt into the clouds to increase the clouds' reflectivity, etc. And you thought Mr. Burns was evil... (NYT)

4. CNN correspondent Christiane Amanpour, Al Gore, and Gwenyth Paltrow were at a private screening of An Inconvenient Truth the other night in London. Apparently, Amanpour and Paltrow "are friends--have been for quite some time," said one of Paltrow's reps. The world is suddenly so much brighter. (Daily News)

Roo Woes, Moscow Wins, Cows' Stem Cells, Gladwell Blogs, and Whose Onus Is It?

1. Last Thursday at Slate online's 10-year celebration/panel at the NYPL, Malcolm Gladwell cheered on old media and jeered the "parasites" in the form of bloggers who fed on newspapers for content. Gladwell commented if newspapers died, "What are they [the bloggers] going to do? Get jobs?" To which I reply, (1) here is Gladwell's blog and (2) uh, whatever, I have a job...sort of. Click here to listen to the discussion. (Daily News)

2. The Supreme Court has to decide whether or not it wants to take on a case that forces car companies to limit their CO2 emissions, which clearly goes against the beliefs of Bush, who believes doing so is bad for business. Who also believes that Crichton's fictional "State of Fear" is real. Whose government, yours included, believes that CO2 is not a pollutant. But who cares? A few dozen states and environmental groups believes the court should take it up because "the onus should be on the government's environmental protection agencies" and hearing "onus" should just make everyone's apocalyptic worries just melt away. (BBC)

3. Upper West Side's new Nabi MedSpa is offering its customers something called the Frozen in Time Stem Cell Facial, which basically is smothering your face in a product that is made up of pregnant cows' stems cells for a mere $250. AKA delicious treat for face and tummy! (Daily News)

4. Though New York is America's most expensive city, it is not the world's. Tired of guessing as you are of sitting in your cubicle on Mondays (yeah)--it's Moscow, who enjoyed moving up three spots a la Kelly Clarkson on VH1, due to a property boom. Not to neglect the most cost-effective city of course. At the other end of the spectrum, we can find Paraguay's Asuncion, otherwise known as my next vacation spot. (CBS)

5. One can turn to The Age to find a fair and balanced article on how Australia's spell-check-unfriendly Socceroos lost due to an unfair referee call. I'm crying. Also, look at and listen to my tiny tiny instrument.

Naomi Doesn't Bail out Friends, Kidman Prenups, iPod and Cells Kill, But So Does Bird Flu

1. As Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban get ready for their wedding tomorrow, rest assured that they're prepared for the implied inevitable, having signed a prenup that has Kidman paying Urban $600k/year every year the couple stays together and no money if he drinks or does drugs too much. Well, if it doesn't work out, the $150m-valued Kidman should marry her lawyer. ( TMZ)

2. Try not to use your iPod or cell during a thunderstorm, because apparently they make for a deathly combo. Like standing next to a tree, you might find yourself acting like a beacon for lightning and potentially frying your innards. But hey, silver lining all--tasty treat for the next stray coyote wandering Central Park. ( Guardian Unlimited)

3. Producer Dallas Austin (hmm) is hold up in a Dubai jail as he was caught with drugs on his way to Naomi Campbell's 3-day birthday party last month. Austin, having worked with Madonna, Michael Jackson, Boyz II Men, and the Indigo Girls, has not received even a visit from the birthday girl, who reps say doesn't know anything about this. Ouch, talk about fair weather. ( Daily News)

4. To start off your weekend completely wrong and witha sense of doom, the H5N1 virus, aka bird flu, was transmitted person-to-person and did mutate through an Indonesian family, killing 7 out 8 members in a month. And so, this makes The Times' health editor Nigel Hawkes' quote the scariest of the week:

What happened in Sumatra has not, of itself, brought the prospect of a deadly pandemic strain of H5N1 any nearer. But if the experience is repeated often enough, the random rearrangement of genes will one day create a deadly strain. This could happen tomorrow, next year, or never. The only way of making sure it is never is by eliminating H5N1 avian flu, which at present seems to be beyond governments and the WHO.

Prescribed Sexual Healing for Japan, Train Derailed for Hipsters, More Homey for Fans, U.S. Surprise for Idiots, and Condoms for All

An inconvenient truth for hipsters/grupsters/*insert stupid made-up name.*

1. God sent hipsters a clear message yesterday as it sent their beloved L train sans passengers off its track and into a bumper block, slightly injuring three innocent unironic transit workers. (CBS)

2. One expert says that the answer to Japan's baby shortage is for its residents to have more sex. The director of the Japan Family Planning Association, Dr. Kunio Kitamura comments, "Japanese people simply aren't having sex... As much as subsidies and welfare programs are important, sexlessness is also a critical issue in this problem." Sexlessness is described as a condition where a person doesn't have sex for more than a month "for no particular reason," which apparently plagues 31% of those surveyed between ages 16-49. What...assholes. (Reuters)

3. Wearing condoms can majorly help those sexually active folks from getting and passing along HPV (human papillomavirus), according to a University of Washington study. Ooh ooh, what is more scary these days: wearing condoms still needs to be pushed or that HPV isn't tested in men on those "trips"? (Food Consumer)

4. Oh. My. God. Homey does play that, as Damon Wayans brings his "In Living Color" clown to the big screen. Currently in some stage of production, the movie might be out by next year and is set for greatness, with the only other character named in the cast billing as "Homeless Legless Man." (IMDB)

5. Everyone knows that cheering on the U.S. in the World Cup is a lost cause, and no one was proven wrong today as it lost to Ghana 2-1. Oh, maybe someone should have clued these people in. (NYT)

Blaine Does Bridge, Heat Does Hot Win, Aussies Steal From Children, Hussein's Defense Dead, and Jolie's Cause Overlooked

Gee, where will Blaine strike next?

1. After crying profusely a little over a month ago outside of his fishbowl at Lincoln Center, David Blaine is turning to the Brooklyn Bridge as the new spot to direct his craziness towards. "Challenging myself on this bridge has been my lifelong dream," Blaine told The NY Post. The most detailed he got about his next illusion is that it would be a "sphere stunt" about which "friends Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn (as well as "top brain surgeon, Dr. Murat Gunel")... were extremely concerned for my safety." Using Penn-Wright to market: sheer genius.

2. The Miami Heat became the third team in the past 60-year history to bounce back from being 0-2 in the Finals to win the NBA championship. Um... the Finals were happening? (LA Times)

3. Try to 'roo out of this one. In slightly disturbing news, 25% of Australian parents surveyed raid their kids' piggy banks. Worse yet, the parenting hooligans use the pennies to buy essentials like bread, pay off utility bills, and/or go on vacations. This does nothing for their land-of-convicts image. (Reuters)

4. Saddam Hussein's lawyers are dropping like flies, not because they don't want to defend him but because they're getting killed. The latest and third victim, Khamis al-Obeidi, was abducted from his home yesterday by men in police uniforms, shot several times, and dumped in Baghdad. ( BBC)

5. For gossip hens all over, the juiciest part out of Angelina Jolie's 30 gabillion-hour-long interview on Anderson Cooper 360 was Zahara's hating on the new baby. To demonstrate, People's headline, "Zahara is Jealous of Shiloh," and Gawker's snarky (I know, redundant) comments,

There was no soft lighting, no tears, no hard-hitting questions about Jennifer Aniston. Instead, we were faced unbelievable boredom: two straight hours of Jolie effusively discussing the plight of refugees, her face lighting up with every new country she could name-check. There was no new information (except that Zahara is jealous of the new baby, which is positively earth-shattering).

Does finding the plight of the poor and powerless boring/irrelevant make gossip hens callous or their perspective perverse? Nah.

The Penny Finds Its Heroes, Babies Hate These Three, Charlie Chan Okay with NYT, and Jolie Tonight

1. Virgin's Sir Richard Branson, Kevin Federline, and Common Cents Policy Director Matthew Eggars will be signing the "Save the Penny" petition tomorrow at Times Square at 1:30. Finally, another trio to start off a joke with. (Gothamist)

2. Speaking of deadly threesomes, stress, dieting, and exercise can get females nothing but barren wombs. Well, baby me up. I hate all three. (Nature)

3. NYT decrees that Charlie Chan films were not racist and it's always right. Favorite line out of Dave Kehr's article though has to be "Chan, whose huge intellect mysteriously did not extend to an ability to master English articles ("Joy in heart more desirable than bullet"), might have been a stereotype, but he was a stereotype on the side of the angels." So glad to hear there is such a thing as a good stereotype. Thanks Dave!

4. "Yeah, well, I have a stupid income for what I do. You know what I mean?" Angelina Jolie will tell Anderson Cooper tonight. For more of a preview on her answers, click the source and tune in tonight at CNN if you don't know what she means. (DNA)

SexyBack, Heart or Fat Attack, and Live Shake Shack!

1. Um, omigod, omigod, omigod. The (Shake) Shackcam is alive and live! Salivate virtually for your burger now.

2. The Center for Science in the Public Interest says it might not be limiting its suit against using partially-hydrogenated oil to KFC, but will bring it to any fast food chain, including Starbucks, Applebee's and McDonald's. CBS shows off its sense of humor in its reporting by calling it *drumroll* a "fat lawsuit."

3. Futuresex/Lovesounds. Yeah, you're probably thinking something like Jamiroquai, Prince, or Outkast. Oh you're so close--Justin Timberlake. September. 2nd Solo Album. 4 years in the waiting. Fuck. Yeah. (IGN)

4. "World Cup soccer causes joy and despair and even ends marriages but now doctors are studying whether the thrill of it all can be literally heart stopping." What? Seriously!? (Reuters)

Robots Want to Rule, Britney Wants Namibian Birth, and Clooney Replaces Cruise

1. Perhaps because she wants to be known for having no original thought, Britney Spears is contemplating having her next baby in Namibia. "Deputy Tourism Minister Leon Jooste confirmed that he received a telephonic enquiry from Spears' office to have her second baby born in Namibia," the Namibian Broadcasting Corporation said. Mission Target Britney Spears continues. (AP)

2. Tom Cruise might want to downplay his Scientology-ness aka craziness if he doesn't want to be downgraded in Hollywood. The mill has it that he was passed on a $200 million movie--for George Clooney, no less. (FoxNews)

3. Move over World Cup, RoboCup is vying for public attention as well. In its 10th year, the competition is what it sounds like: robots from different countries playing soccer. If only its mission statement didn't sound so creepy: "By the year 2050,develop a team of fully autonomous humanoid robots that can win against the human world soccer champion team."

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far, Madonna Brits Lohan, Jacob the Jeweler Arrested, and Bush Asks Smartly

Finally, a president who makes me U. S. A. proud.

1. Apple faces sweatshop accusations as the Ipod has been uncovered to be made by lowly paid factory workers in China, which is highly appropriate since Apple is now teaming up with Nike. *zing* (MacNewsWorld)

2. Madonna perhaps has found a Britney replacement in the form of one Lindsay Lohan. Lohan has recently talked about "looking into Kabbalah," and In Touch says that Madonna wants to duet with her new potential dotee. (MSNBC)

3. When Bush was questioned by reporters yesterday after his return from Baghdad, he noticed a reporter in sunglasses and asked, "Are you going to ask that question with shades on? I'm interested in the shade look. Seriously. For the viewers, there's no sun." Luckily for the president, blind reporter Peter Wallstein didn't take any offense. (Daily News)

4. Jacob Arabo, jeweler to a fabulous bevy of actors and rappers, was arrested this morning on charges stemming from 16 defendents' violation of federal drug laws and laundering in Detroit. (TMZ)

Shitless Smokers, "Anonymous" Donor, Hilton-Lohan Beef, and Google Tries to Keep a Secret

1. Ronaldo Martinez aka "Tracheotomy Guy" has inspired 15,000 smokers to be aspiring non's, and by inspire, I mean, scare the shit out of. NYC's Health Department has received nearly triple the amount of calls from last year since the airing of Martinez's ads, which show his speaking with a voice box: "Now there is a permanent hole in my throat. Nothing will ever be the same." True for any viewer of the ad apparently. ( Daily News)

2. Ironically anonymous mayor Bloomberg strikes again with $30 million donated to the Carnegie Corporation of NY. Upon contact, the mayor's chief spokesman, Stu Loeser, declined to contact. Oh someone just give me my cheese and *cue monkey on drums.* ( Newsday)

3. Forget about what you heard on the Hilton-Lohan makeup. Paris gave Lindsay a piece (as if there was anything else) of her mind at Butter on Monday: "I can't believe you and Stavros! You are ridiculous!" Paris followed with some curses, to which Lindsay responded with walking out the door. Paris then stripteased for some Knicks and Giants. ( Page Six)

4. You won't see anything on GoogleEarth, but turn to the NYT for Google's new simultaneously secret yet conspicuous computing centers in Oregon. Ooh, what diabolical schemes of world domination are they physically supporting now?

Selfish Not Rude NYers, Baby Damon, Madge-Brit Split, Bad Work Conduct, and Old Upstate NY

Unbeknownst to 'donna, Spears kisses the 'balah away.

1. New York snags the silver for the lowest volunteer rate in the country, upping only Nevada's 19% by two. That's right, two shy fro the state known for gambling and stripping. Utah, 48%, had the highest rate of volunteerism. The study from the Corporation for National and Community Service also found that more than a third of volunteers did so through/with religious organizations. (The State)

2. Matt Damon's wife, Luciana, gave birth to their baby girl Isabella yesterday in Miami. See, some celebrities don't need to turn their miracle into some kind of charitable bidding war of a spectacle. (People)

3. Madonna and Britney Spears are friends no more. Now that Britney has abandoned her Kabbalah ways aka incur the wrath of Madge, Madonna wants her wedding present, a 12th century Kabbalah book, to the SpearFeds returned. (TMZ)

4. Upstate NY is suffering from an exodus of young adults. "In 13 counties that include cities like Buffalo, Syracuse and Binghamton, the population of young adults fell by more than 30 percent." Odd, while upstate NY has seen a general 10% decline in the number of people ages 18-44, NYC has seen an increase in 1.5% in the 1990s. I wonder why... (NYT)

5. In London, one government worker has been fired and another demoted due to some unacceptable behavior such as "leaping naked from filing cabinets," "having sex in office lavatories," taking drugs at work, fighting in the reception area, "vomiting in cups and leaving them for other people to find." Ed? (Reuters)

The Good and Bad Side to Obesity, Milian Cut, Walken in Balls, and Hip-Hop is Dead But Refrain from Cristal-Pouring

1. It was a big weekend for Island Def Jam's L.A. Reid, who not only turned 50 but also dropped Christina Milian from the label. On top of tepid numbers for her So Amazin' album, the label had spent "a promotional budget worthy of Mariah Carey" for the ex of Nick Cannon and perhaps is also none too pleased that their singer passed on "S.O.S. (Rescue Me)" despite Reid's begging her to do otherwise. Milian, who is hardly having the best week ever, was also dropped from the August cover of Vibe after the axe. Still, this can't be worse than having a credited part in Be Cool. Perspective. (Daily News)

2. From the creators of Reno 911! comes a ping-pong comedy titled Balls of Fury, which has Christopher Fucking Walken starring as a ping-pong lovin' crime lord named Fang that the CIA wants to take down via some ping-pongin' infiltration of course. He was recently spotted in black hair, what looks like an opium-inspired smoking pipe, a black kimono for Balls, looking nothing short of fucking awesome. (Variety)

3. Nas's recent announcement of his album, Hip Hop Is Dead, has retriggered the debate of, uh, the same name, except turn it into a question. It has been declared dead before: in the early 90s because of "overt gangserism," in the late 90s because of its commercialism (think Puff), and the early 00's because hip hop became pop (Eminem and Nelly). Will the disaffected youth now turn to Reggaetón? Will advertisers drop like flies? Do all the new rappers suck? Stay tuned. (SOHH)

4. Turns out that trans-fat is more evil than thought. Instead of "merely" increasing bad cholestoral and heart disease risks, trans-fat can cause you to become fatter than other fats despite containing the same calories. Prevalent in fast foods, trans-fat has already been banned from Denmarks' processed foods. (Nature)

5. On the plus side, if you are incredibly gigandos, getting run over by cars can mean nothing to you. A 30-year-old German man, weighing 440 pounds, fell off his bike, had a Volkswagen Polo drive over him, and suffered from a dislocated hip, scratches and a bloody nose. It is not quite clear whether the injuries were sustained from hitting the ground or the car hitting him. (Reuters)

Death by Sausage, Manatee More In Danger, R. Kelly Revealed, CBS Goes iTunes, and 24 in Theaters

1. In Germany, a 50-year-old man is suspected of killing a woman with a sausage. She choked on a Bockwurst but he might have "administered" her the meat. Nonetheless the silver lining is that it inspired Reuters with witty headline, "The Wurst Way to Go?"

2. Hurray! Go ahead with your life-long dream and kill a manatee now in Florida. The state has removed the animal from its endangered list. Of course, this benefiting boating and development companies is purely coincidence. (NYT)

3. The sex video showing R. Kelly engaging in sex with a 13 year old will be shown in court to the media and the public, a Chicago Judge Vincent Gaughan ruled. Defense lawyers told the judge to restrict the viewing to just himself, jurors and the legal teams because it might embarass the now 21-year-old girl. So kind. (BBC)

4. CBS has just joined the bandwagon of putting its shows on iTunes. Because you damn well want to watch Numb3rs and CIS wherever you bloody please. (ITWire)

5. 24, the movie, is confirmed and set to come out in 2008. Uh, not if there's not an internet leak first! *cross fingers* (LSE)

Lohan Powders to Wintour's Discontent, Jolie's Tattoo Explained, Ugly Sheep Revalued, CrackBerries, and Jessica Simpson "Dances"

The coveted photo.

1. Anna Wintour was understatedly peeved at tablemate Lindsay Lohan at the CFDA awards on Monday. Lohan went to the bathroom to "powder her nose" six times within two hours. What? And no Pulp Uma? Woman is incredible. ( Page Six)

2. Jessica Simpson and hairstylist/new-BFF Ken Paves hit the small dance floor at Chelsea's Double Seven yesterday. According to one patron, "The girl cannot dance," but added, "She was drinking." Whether or not the two are related is unclear. ( Daily News)

3. People denies paying $4.1M for the Shiloh pictures but refused to provide the charitable amount. The executive editor, Peter Castro, did offer an explanation for Angelina's arm tattoo though as the latitude and longitude lines for Ethiopia (Zahara), Cambodia (Maddox), and the numbers for Namibia (Shiloh). ( ABC)

4. The current Australian hunt for the country's ugliest sheep is not as ridiculous as it sounds. Scientists want farmers to donate their sheeps with low-quality wool to try to identify what went wrong in their DNA to produce such scratchy merino. Currently the Aussie's merino wool industry is worth $2.1B a year. ( AP)

5. Because of General Manager Rick Ueno's addiction to the BlackBerry, the Sheraton Chicago Hotel offers relief to fellow CrackBerry-heads by his offering his office free-of-charge as a place to lock them up. Right, giving the drug to the addict sounds like a swell idea. ( CNN)

Shiloh As Media Handful, Senate Blocks Gay Marriage Block, Sperm Downgrades With Age, Harvard Clones Stem Cells, and The Separation of Sex and Death

1. Shiloh Shiloh Shiloh. Has any other barely-week-old baby caused such a media frenzy? LA Times decided to up their cred by publishing a biography on the newborn from papa Brad's saying to Diane Sawyer he wanted to be a father to conception to birth to photo war. Most bizarre of all in the timeline is a nod to Suri Cruise, potential friend/foe of Shiloh. Moreover, Hello magazine, who got first dibs on the picture is already on a suing rampage over the internet leak of the photo it will publish tomorrow (People to follow on Friday). The beautiful ones, they're always trouble. (BBC, LA Times)

2. The amendment to ban gay marriage was unsurprisingly (thanks Jon Stewart!) blocked by the Senate today. 49-48, the proposal needed 11 more votes to push it to a final vote. Senators Arlen Specter and John McCain walked the line by opposing the amendment because of "respect for states' rights." (Bloomberg)

3. Men's biological clocks are ticking as well, as a new study from UC Berkeley found that the older men get, the more likely the sperm's DNA mutate (causing dwarfism in child) or fragment (AKA useless sperm). (Nature)

4. Harvard announced yesterday their stem cell cloning project, which will be funded by private donors. Donor eggs and embryos that remain from in-vitro fertilization treatment will be used. (CBC)

5. Quote of the week by Queensland's Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale on the recent proposal to prevent brothels from opening within 200 meters of cemeteries: "It's totally inappropriate. There's a place for brothels and a place for cemeteries and we don't believe the two mix." It's hard to imagine what either would go well with... though Las Vegas somehow comes to mind as a harmonious space. (Reuters )

The Devil is Anna, Firecrotch Refuses Its Name Maker, Rage as a Disease, Strict Begets Fat, Google Your Excel, and Hello Shiloh, The Rumor

Ironic. Because hell is hot.

1. While we're out celebrating The Beast or Anna Wintour today, lets not forget that it's also National Yo-yo day, the national holiday of Sweden and Queensland Day. Also, wish Paul Giamatti (aka Satan?) a happy birthday.

2. Barbara Davis, Brandon Davis's grandma, is saying that her grandson is dating firecrotch Lindsay Lohan herself. Lohan's rep Leslie Sloan refuted the statement, calling the elder Davis "desperate" for lying. She made things better for Lindsay by continuing, "They are not dating and they did not go to dinner together. Lindsay is dating several men who live overseas." (Page Six)

3. Fucking bloody hell. Add another disorder to the list--this time, Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), which essentially is a violent outburst most commonly known as road rage. According to a survey led by Harvard Medical School professor Ronald Kessler, 16 million American adults might have this condition. Who knew, life can imitate an Adam Sandler movie...which can now be known as art perhaps? (Food Consumer)

4. Repressed children might not be the only result of strict parenting. Research from Boston University School of Medicine says--brace yourself--it can make your children fat. But that's sort of unfair. Really, it's bad parenting in general that increases the risk of child obesity. Findings were that permissive and neglectful parenting were twice as likely to produce overweight children than authoritative mothers, while authoritarian parenting were five times as likely. (Forbes)
5. Google's online spreadsheet software is nearly here as Google offers tours of its tool on its site. Spreadsheeting has never looked like so much fun as you can invite others to edit with you and chat about how to organize your info. Also, who doesn't want the input of a friend named Micah?

6. Did Hello do it? Did it grab the coveted-charitable-most expensive-do-gooding baby picture of Brangelina's spawn? Maybe, maybe not. But oh, to dream. (Socialite Life)

Expect the Hell Puns, The Gay Bashing, The MTV Winners, Paris Drugged, and Another Mediocre Movie Delivery

There must be another way to celebrate Satan's Day.

1. Do something cooler than watch Julia Stiles tomorrow. Go over and party in Hell... in Michigan, where uh, well, festivities might kick off with a remake of The Omen anyway. For those who are looking for a decadent good time, forget about partying here. This is all a watered down hellish/family affair with a gate that looks like the Devil's head, specials on pizza and ice cream, and a certificate proving you partied in hell. The Beast will be disappointed. (MLive)

2. Perhaps as a way to celebrate the demonic day, Bush and his fellow conservative Republicans will be pushing a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage this week. San Francisco's mayor, Gavin Newsom, commented that the bill is "pandering and it's placating a core constituency, the evangelicals." Oh, is that what we call bigots now? (AP)

3. *Spoiler Alert* Winner of MTV's Best Kiss Award goes to Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, beating out now unpreggered Brangelina. Highlights were Will Ferrell's giving Jim Carrey his lifetime achievement award ("This man's versatility makes Thomas Jefferson look like a big fat idiot") and Steve Carrell accepting his best comedic performance award ("Gandhi and the Dalai Lama. If I had any familiarity with your teachings, I would not be the person I am today"). (People)

4. Paris Hilton was caught (?) again in another embarrassing shot by the paparazzi. This time she was smoking "something" and when she saw the camera, she "nervously and abruptly swung her head forward, pulled down her visor and began applying lipstick." Her publicist sought out the paparazzi to say, "Paris Hilton rolled her own tobacco cigarettes. It was tobacco you saw." Strangely enough though, she did nothing to explain why Paris would be caught dead in a visor, which in turn totally refutes that Paris was just smoking tobacky. (TMZ)

5. Step aside, Netflix, Blockbuster and Pay-per-view. MovieBeam is a new competitor backed by Disney, Intel, and Cisco that wants a piece of the $10B movie rental biz/year pie. Fork over $200 for a box and buy your movies for $4 a pop that come to you via magical PBS signals that you can pause, rewind and fast forward for 24 hours. It combines the best (no wait) and worst (small selection) of its competitors making it a medium-weight. (NYT)

Diva Maguire, Ebay Britney, Gisele and Apple, Exxon $$, and Hotel Rwanda?

1. Rwandan president Paul Kagame dismisses "Hotel Rwanda" as revisionist. Kagame says that Paul Rusesabagina (who Don Cheadle plays) was not so much heroic in his survival as he "was not in the category of those being hunted." Kagame attributes the lives saved at the hotel to a combination of the occupation of UN forces and the desire of the killers to have a place to drink. (Reuters)

2. Tobey Maguire is quite the diva, having a "lion-sized entourage" in tow for his filming of Spider-Man 3. It also took him 50 takes to get "a 20-second scene in which he turns to the camera, walks three steps, and says one line" right. God, to be an actor. (Daily News)

3. Apparently this is a real invitation to Britney Spear's wedding and a candle from it... for a mere $999.99. K-Fed, is that you?

4. According to Page Six, Gisele is the new face for Apple's new line and Dolce & Gabbana's new perfume, The One.

5. The government is seeking an extra $92M from Exxon for their mess in 1989. Good luck with that. Exxon Mobil is still appealing another punitive damage award of $4.5B from the spill. (NYT)

Soporific Tarzan, #1 Dixies, Good Fish, Bad Tweenies, and Phoning Medina

1. For further proof that Bush's approval ratings are nil, look to the Billboards, where you'll find the Dixie Chick's album sitting comfortably at #1. And without the help of country radio at that--woowee! (Billboard)

2. Anchovies, atlantic mackerel, and most shellfish top the NYT/Environmental Defense list of a-ok fish in regards to being eco-friendly and contaminant-unfriendly.

3. Pretending to be hardcore with your cigarette in your preteens will double your chances of being a chronic smoker later on in life--later being your teen years. Whether or not that's attributed to your need to release the beast or your brain being influenced by the early nicotine dose is unclear. (Reuters)

4. Phil Collins' kids fell asleep to their papa's musical rendition of Tarzan during the Saturday matinee. Because afternoons are the perfect time to nap. (Page Six)

5. Showbiz manager, most notably of Tyra Banks, Mariah Carey and once of Jennifer Lopez, Benny Medina is saying no more... to emails and perhaps text messages. "Have we gotten more or less efficient because of E-mail, or has it just corrupted another moment we could have used to do something more important?" Poignant. (Daily News)