Prescribed Sexual Healing for Japan, Train Derailed for Hipsters, More Homey for Fans, U.S. Surprise for Idiots, and Condoms for All

An inconvenient truth for hipsters/grupsters/*insert stupid made-up name.*

1. God sent hipsters a clear message yesterday as it sent their beloved L train sans passengers off its track and into a bumper block, slightly injuring three innocent unironic transit workers. (CBS)

2. One expert says that the answer to Japan's baby shortage is for its residents to have more sex. The director of the Japan Family Planning Association, Dr. Kunio Kitamura comments, "Japanese people simply aren't having sex... As much as subsidies and welfare programs are important, sexlessness is also a critical issue in this problem." Sexlessness is described as a condition where a person doesn't have sex for more than a month "for no particular reason," which apparently plagues 31% of those surveyed between ages 16-49. What...assholes. (Reuters)

3. Wearing condoms can majorly help those sexually active folks from getting and passing along HPV (human papillomavirus), according to a University of Washington study. Ooh ooh, what is more scary these days: wearing condoms still needs to be pushed or that HPV isn't tested in men on those "trips"? (Food Consumer)

4. Oh. My. God. Homey does play that, as Damon Wayans brings his "In Living Color" clown to the big screen. Currently in some stage of production, the movie might be out by next year and is set for greatness, with the only other character named in the cast billing as "Homeless Legless Man." (IMDB)

5. Everyone knows that cheering on the U.S. in the World Cup is a lost cause, and no one was proven wrong today as it lost to Ghana 2-1. Oh, maybe someone should have clued these people in. (NYT)