Commune Shooting, Taylor Alive, Mona Lisa Speaks, US Conditions Iran Talk

Lizzie goes on talk show to confirm she's not dead.

1. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced today that the US has agreed with Germany, France, and Britain on the package of incentives and sanctions to deter Iran's nuclear program and hopes for diplomatic talks with Iran's representatives. Natch, since the talks will only proceed on the US's part when Iran agrees with the package to suspend its nuclear activities.
Excerpts on Rice's speech can be found here. (CNN)

2. Elizabeth Taylor declared on Larry King Live last night that she's obviously not dead nor is she dying from Alzheimer's, as purported by tabloids in "death watch" reports. (E!)

3. Japanese acoustics expert Dr. Matsumi Suzuki created a voice for Mona Lisa using his knowledge from helping out in criminal investigations. To hear her speak, click here. (Reuters)

4. On Monday night former commune member turned stalker Rebekah Johnson shot commune leader Jeff Gross of the peace and love-espousing Staten Island commune Ganas. (Daily News)

Scarier Poison Ivy, Pedophiles Unite, Desire and Genes, NBC Offers $15M to Madge, and Jump

1. A study from Duke and Harvard concluded that rising CO2 levels from global warming will lead to itchier poison ivy. Help Al Gore! (AP)

2. A new Dutch political party is sparking outrage the Netherlands. Named the Charity, Freedom and Diversity (NVD) party, its pedophiliac members are prompting for the legal age for sex be lowered to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child and animal pornography. Not necessarily together of course, though... (Reuters)

3. Sexual desire is caused by genes, says a Hebrew University of Jerusalem study. It is also directly linked to your partner's hotness level, as found by another study by the No Shit school. (India Times)

4. According to the Daily News, NBC is offering Madonna $15 million to air her concert, which makes her receive the spiffiest price tag for a TV concert special. Guy Ritchie's documentary on Madge's tour would also air. Toss a dog a bone...

5. Lester Clancy just received his patent for his genius idea for the clumsy. That's right, a "cordless jump-rope." That's right; his idea is two handles specially made with moving weights inside that simulate the jumping movement. Now the klutzes can finally jump rope without looking stupid. Or, um, jump. (AP)

Windows So Counterculture, Weed A-Ok, Britney Writes Her Feelings, British Freegans, and Condoleezza Idols

1. In some exciting PC news, Windows will be subverting the standard image file known as JPEG by releasing their own. Known as Windows Media Photo, Window's version is supposed to efficiently carry greater detail in half the size of a JPEG file. You know, like Mary Kate to Ashley. (PCMag)

2. Smokers can smoke away now with ease, well, if they're the weed-toking kind. The largest study to date by UCLA's pulmonologists showed that smoking marijuana does not increase cancer risk. (Science)

3. Britney Spears writes a poem, "Stream of Consciousness," on her website that seemingly references KFed. "You don't see me now/You ask yourself why/My crown is back/And it's way too high/For you to be in my presence/Especially my son/You should bow down/I've only just begun." Sounds like things are just working out fine.

4. You saw them on UPN News a few years back, but now they're plaguing London. Reuters covers the unappetizing protest against food waste by Freegans, also known as dumpster divers for food, that has hit Britain. The movement's move from the US to the UK might have been prompted by Freegan founding father Adam Weissman's website, which reaches out for others to join in the boycott

5. Condoleezza Rice is a huge fan of American Idol and Taylor Hicks, to whom she will be sending a congratulatory letter soon. What does this administration do? (Time)

Enron Guilty, Honda Awesome, Hicks Victorious, and Fleet Week Now

With no affiliation to South Park's Awesome-O. I think.

1. AH! Ex-Enron execs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling has been declared guilty of securities fraud by Houston's jury. Lay, convicted on 6 counts of conspiracy and fraud faces 45 years, while Skilling, convicted on 19 out of 28 counts of conspiracy, insider trading, lying, and fraud, will be facing 185 years in prison. Sentencing will take place on the not-at-all loaded day of September 11th. (Forbes)

2. Honda declared its new technology developments in using the power of our minds to control robotic movements. In a video demonstration in Tokyo, brain signals were sent to a MRI scanner to a robotic hand, which then made the desired V-sign (victoire!). This has incredible significance for Asimo aka Honda's robot, people with spinal cord injuries, and people who are just *yawn* really *robot* lazy. (AP)

3. Hop on over to Honda's website to find out more on Asimo, the walking and running-capable robot from Japan. Standing tall at 5'1", it can even handle the tasks of a receptionist, the site says, with its abilities to "recognize the surrounding environment," "give and receive an object such as a tray in a timely manner," or "hold the hand of a person and move in sync." I suddenly have a newfound respect for receptionists. Thank you Honda.

4. The prematurely gray dude, Taylor Hicks is now the new American Idol. I would say who cares but apparently all of America does. Ryan Seacrest commented on the 63.4 million votes as "more than any President in this country has ever received." True, but to our country's credit don't Idol citizens get more than one vote and to some politicians' discredit, sometimes it's better to lower the number of votes, say from particular minorities. Take that Seacrest. (LSE)

5. Fleet week is now, people. For all the answers to your important questions of correct attire, age or physical requirements, go here.

Pitt Pulls a Spears, World Powers Meets for Iran, British First in Divorce Case, Jeb Bush Goes NFL, and Al Gore Shows the Truth

1. Al Gore's documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, opens in NY tonight. Because Wednesday is an inconvenient work-hump day.

2. Jeb Bush was approached by Patrick Rooney Sr. about his interest in running the NFL. Rooney's brother, Pittsburgh Steelers owner Dan Rooney, is the co-chair of the search committee looking to replace commissioner Paul Tagliabue. Bush met with the senior Rooney and told him that he would finish his term in January and consider then. Bush said he would not run for president in 2008. Funny, doesn't it seem that the two Bushes (badly) switched dreams? (AP)

3. In a groundbreaking case in the eyes of legal experts, Britain's highest court ruled in favor of an ex-wife, taking into account for loss of earnings incurred during a marriage. The Lords awarded Julia McFarlane 250,000 pounds each year for a limited period for life maintenance because she had to forsake a well-paid job to raise the children. Of course, priceless is the joy derived from own spawn-caring. (Reuters)

4. Brad Pitt decides to compete with Britney Spears and strapped Zahara Pitt-Jolie, 1, sans helmet and closed-toe shoes, to his back while he went biking. Apparently the makers of the baby pack advise against biking as it affects the biker/carrier of baby's balance. (Daily News)

5. Powers of the world united today to talk about what they should do with Iran. UN Security Council permanent members China, Russia, US, France, Britain and Germany have yet come to an agreement with how to encourage Iran from building a nuclear bomb, which one EU diplomat described as "really just an academic exercise, since the Iranians have made it clear that they won't accept any offer." And we know how Bush excels at academic exercises. (CNN)

Michelle Rodriguez Goes to Jail Longer, Apes Drink Wine, Parents Lie to Themselves, and Michelle William's Dad Might Share Cot with Rodriguez

1. "I'm a gypsy. I can see beauty in a jail cell," Michelle Rodriguez commented last week in NY. Appropriate, since she has just been sentenced to 2 months in LA for violating her probation. (People)

2. Apes in Budapest's Zoo drink 55 liters of red wine each year to boost their red blood cells. No worries though, according to the zoo's spokesman Zoltan Hanga, as it's only in small amounts of table wine mixed in with their tea. No worries but grossssssss.... (Reuters)

3. A combined textual and graphic study from Northwestern demonstrated that most parents failed to see their children as obese. Only 36% of the parents to obese children described their children accurately. Oddly enough though, 70% of them chose a heavier visual representation of their child. Stranger still, a group of seeing-eye dogs in the room barked in laughter and said, "Oh you parents!" (NYT)

4. Michelle William's dad, investment whiz Larry Williams, 64, was arrested in Australia yesterday, as he faces tax evasion charges in the US for hiding $1.5 million in income from 1999 to 2001. His lawyer commented that Williams was not evading taxes but participated in a legal "tax-minimization" program. Golly, that does sound legit. (Page Six)

Madonna Crucifixes, EU Sighs, Meat Eaters Conflicted, Clarence Thomas Prays, and Smokers Chew Gum

1. Montenegro has just declared itself independent from Serbia, though is met with reluctance from EU officials due to managing another microstate that will have as much influence as political heavyweights Germany, France and Britain. There is also the division of assets, healthcare and military that Montenegro has to deal with. Finally, politics have just combined the delightful qualities of the NBA draft and divorce. (CS Monitor)

2. Twin births have tripled in the past thirty years in the US, and a Long Island Medical Center study is attributing this trend to the bovine growth hormone in the food supply. Translation, meat eaters and baby fearers, you've been warned. (Daily Mail)

4. Clarence Thomas told Dubya's sister, Doro Bush Koch, at her book signing party, that "We have to pray for your borther. He's in real trouble." Be it a reference to his poor ratings, political decisions, perhaps a slip and slide in the personal (or drugs?), it's all so juicily dramatic. (Daily News)

5. Finnish researchers will be releasing a new gum that will freshen your breathe, brighten your smile, and combat cancer. Before you Scooby Doo your "er," the new gum, targetting smokers, drinkers and a combination of the two, contains cysteine which decreases acetaldehyde levels that smoking and drinking increase. Kat Arney, a spokeswoman for Cancer Research UK, comments, "It's a nice idea, and I'm sure people would buy it. But it seems a bit cynical — a bit of a sop to our quick-fix culture." *Puff* *Drink* What? (Nature)

Writing Saddam, Addicted Men, Timed Syracuse, Shitty Brandon, and Close-to-Death Preston

Have Hussein in the palm of your hand.

1. Who knew Harry Potter's JK Rowling and Saddam Hussein would ever be in competition? Well, they are in Japan, where both of their novels hit the stands this week. The Half-Blood Prince will meet Saddam's ancient tribal warfare story, Get Out of Here, Curse You, which Japanese journalist and the book's translator Itsuko Hirata says "should be really made into a musical" and "should play in the heart of his enemy's country, on Broadway." Hm, the two books might have more in common than ever realized. (Reuters)

2. Howard Stern comments on Brandon Davis yesterday, "He's a big, fat, tubby piece of shit... Just pure evil coming out of this guy's mouth." This from the shock jock --ouch. (Entertainmentwise)

3. Today's NYT's travel section, Escapes, decides to cover "36 hours" in the strange, exotic land of, um, Syracuse, "birthplace of the serrated knife and the dental chair," without any sense of irony period. If we wanted to go to Dinosaur BBQ (that is, Must-Do Item #6), couldn't we just hop the train to Harlem?

4. After all the easy jokes and headlines, Britney Spears probably really regrets her ever singing "Oops, I Did It Again," and, oh yeah, for doing it with Kevin Federline. She was seen crying at a restaurant after nearly dropping baby Sean Preston outside of FAO Schwartz in front of the paparazzi. Though baby Sean's head was shown snapping back, he was fine, though how many lives he has left is unknown as he is not a cat. It probably doesn't make him feel any better hearing Mommy muttering, "This is why I need a gun," though in all fairness, Spears was probably referring to the crowd in her way. (IMDB)

5. Men and women's being hardly equal at least can be argued when it comes to addiction levels. New research is showing that meth use release three times the amount of dopamine, aka the pleasure hormone, in males than females, which holds significance to treating any diseases or explaining addictions according to gender. Neuroendocrinologists at Johns Hopkins decided to study this further:

"[They] recruited 28 men and 15 women who didn't take drugs and were psychologically normal. They got a baseline reading of available dopamine receptors in their brains by injecting subjects with saline mixed with a radioactive chemical that binds to dopamine receptors and found no difference in available receptors between men and women. Then the subjects got a taste of speed. After being injected with a dose of amphetamine comparable to what an illicit user might take, males had a larger dopamine release in three of four regions of the striatum."

Firstly, this is legal? Secondly, Johns Hopkins? Thirdly, I am in the wrong side of academia. (Science)

More Disturbing Coupling than SpearsFed, Prodi Pulls Out, Hobbit Just Diseased, Urge Leases Music, and Apple Louvres

Was that just Tom Hanks running down the steps?

1. A study from the Broad Institute and Hah-vahd is shedding a new light on human evolution. Results show that over 6 million years ago humans and chimps split off from each other and after 4 million years of humans and chimps growing independently, they decided to get back together for a brief "fling," producing a hybrid that then separated out into two distinct branches of humans and chimps. Critique of this idea came even from the study's own camp, as Daniel Lieberman, a Harvard biology professor that was not involved in the study, said, "My problem is imagining what it would be like to have a bipedal hominid and a chimpanzee viewing each other as appropriate mates." Common a viewpoint as that is, it hardly seems to substantiate a counter to the theory. (Aljazeera)

2. In Romano Prodi's first speech as Italy's prime minister, he called the war against Iraq a "grave mistake" and proposed to the parliament to withdraw all of its soldiers. When subjected to loud booing, Prodi said, "I'd like to know what the difference is between this and the government's position to withdraw by year end," referencing Berlusconi's plan for complete withdrawal at year's end. I don't know, that there was a scheduled plan? (Bloomberg)

3. It may be that the "Hobbit" bones found on Flores in 2003 was not from another species at all but a man who was suffering from microencephaly, a genetic illness that shrinks the size of the brain and body. Now, my question is... can you just get that from moving to Hollywood? (AP)

4. Microsoft and MTV combine their forces to battle Apple in the music download arena. The service, called Urge, targets people who don't use iTunes or iPods, as Urge's music can't play on either anyway, and offers subscription options of an unlimited listening service or downloads per month. However, once the subscription ends, the music is gone. Rob Small, an Apple marketing director, comments, "Our experience has been that customers like to own their music rather than subscribe to it." True that. (The Age)

5. The new Apple store opens on Fifth Avenue and 58th opens tomorrow. It will be open 24/7, or as Apple's Ron Johnson puts it, "it will be open today forever" (though, really, open to the public tomorrow). Decked out with a glass cube on the ground floor with descending stairs to the store, the flagship store is reminiscent of a prettily bizarre Frankenstein of the Louvre and SIBL. But most importantly, it offers free WiFi! To see the new digs, click here. (Macworld)

Time Relief, Firecrotch, Rich Duke Suspects, Low Snow, and The McCartney Divorce

And here, we find the socialite trashus species. Careful, they're very drunk and decadent (in the bad way of course).

1. Finally, we could all breathe a little easier now. Time Magazine named its new managing editor today, Richard Stengel, 51, long time Time writer and editor. Not New York columnist Kurt Anderson, not CNBC's Tina Brown, not Time executive editor Priscilla Painton, not Slate editor in chief Jacob Weisberg... (NYT)

2. Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton apparently had a fight at LA's club, Hyde, last Friday, which wouldn't be terribly interesting had it not been for Brandon Davis. As Hilton and Brandon Davis left the club, the latter dished out a storm of insults on Lindsay, such as how her (being a?) "firecrotch" made her movie tank, how her dad is hotter than her, how her worth of $7m makes her "really poor," and a bunch of expletives that the press won't run. Luckily, you can catch it on this video, along with Paris Hilton laughing throughout, trying to catch some of the Davis treasures on her cellphone, and also her whispering to Davis--perhaps feeding him some lines? (Daily News, TMZ)

3. The third suspect declared in the Duke lacrosse case, David Evans, is the product of Rae Evans, a Washington lobbyist with "topnotch" ties to the Bush family and David Evans, a partner at a top Washington law firm, or, uh, power and money. Which this case isn't about. Right. (Daily News)

4. While it might be appropriate for any press secretary to say, Tony Snow should probably have kept the articulateness of Bush in mind when he said in his first television debut, "I think I will not try to improve on the president's words from today." Way to set the bar--though to be fair, the level is challenging for limbo. (USA Today)

5. Paul McCartney and his wife of four years, Heather Mills, are calling it quits, blaming their marital failure on the media. Who doesn't blame it on the media these days? I'm gonna blame mine on Anderson Cooper. (AP)

Breathing is for the Poor, Bono Edits Paper, Stay-at-Home Equals Fat Study, and The U.S.'s Crazy Health Care

1. For the cubicler, there is now "O2 Supli," a $5.50 can of oxygen selling in Japan's Seven-Eleven's. Minoru Matsumoto, a Seven-Eleven spokesman, comments, "People are under a lot of stress and can't get much exercise, so they aren't getting enough oxygen." Man, to be in a country where even breathing is commoditized. For shame, America, it was once your forte. For shame. (Reuters)

2. Bono's edition of The (Red) Independent came out today. While commendable for its donations to the Global Fund to Fight Aids, the star-edited paper might have fared better without his sunglassed and iconic face on the cover's corner, the article called, "The Big Question: Can rock stars change the world?" (answer: no, maybe, okay...yes!), and Bono's letter that included this sentence, "I am as sick of messianic rock stars as the next man, woman and child." (The Independent)

3. Whilst speaking on Canadian health care reform in Toronto, Bill Clinton said the answer to Canada's woes would definitely not come from looking at America's "insane" system but those of other countries'. The heckler in me is inclined to yell 'turncoat' but I'm also practically socialist. *cue Natalie* (Globe and Mail)

4. A study from the University College London found that stay-at-home moms were more likely to become obese or in worse health in their 60s than "working" (or uh, "go-to-offices" to be p.c.) moms. I always knew kids were sickly and sickly-causing things. (Fox)

Suicidal Antidepressants, My24Space, #1 Autographer, Yogi Gwennie, Skinny Mirrors, and Are Viruses the New Apes?

1. Hipster of the drug industry alert! There's nothing more ironic than the most popular antidepressant's inducing suicidal tendencies in probably the most healthy age group, 18-30. And so, the PBR trophy goes to.... Paxil. That's what happens when your pill isn't represented by the cutest animated mascot. (Food Consumer)

2. MySpace might no longer be known as the music lover's Friendster as it branches out to selling episodes of 24 next week. Episodes from seasons 1-5 will be selling for $1.99 a piece, with two comped episodes courtesy of Burger King. Murdoch's sponsoring Clinton, and now this hip move into iTunes' territory? Apocalyptic horsee, is that you? (Reuters)

3. The results from Autograph Collector are in and the best autographer is none other than Johnny Depp, who even signs when struggling with his luggage at the airport. George Clooney kerrigans it out, by dishing jokes with his prized hancock. Lowest of all, below even Russell Crowe and Sean Penn, is the hotheaded Cameron Diaz who lectures fans on the inanity of obtaining her autograph instead of simply telling them no. AKA the Diaz experience. (People)

4. Patrick Forterre, a scientist at the University of Paris-Sud, has been recently publishing his exciting and controversial theory in many-a-journals -- that "viruses bequeathed DNA to all living things." Scientist, I'm not, but essentially the theory is that RNA (the simpler, single stranded DNA) organisms begot a smarter, self-replicating and protein-generating version known as the virus, which modified its RNA to DNA to throw off its host from destroying its very being. Then the DNA viruses became the host's bitch, lost the genes that mapped its way out of the host and its ability to make its own protein shell, basically losing its identity and became "naked DNA," which meant it was only a DNA replicating machine. And so, say hi to your exponentially great-uncle Ebola... but don't kiss it. Y'know, because of the slight hemorrhaging. (Science)

5. For $56,000, you could be sunrising, downward dogging, and lion roaring with the best of Gwenyth Paltrow...or simply, Gwenyth Paltrow. For the benefit of Prince Charles' charities, Gwennie put herself out there as a Yoga teacher to the highest bidder. (Page 6)

6. Emails to Gawker are confirming that Vogue mama Conde Nast has skinny mirrors in the 4th floor of its building, which is also where its gorrrrrgeous cafeteria resides. So take that High Fashion critics. The Nastees want to ward off any after-meals bulimia. Now, if there were fat mirrors elsewhere...

"Drink-/ Dental-/ Bill-/ Web-and-Desktop-Victor-/ Urine-Drinking -Movie-Magic-" Making

1. In entering the world of pretension, everything made has to be raised to an art form and accordingly worded as such. Thus, welcome to bartending's version, where drinks are infused with the smoke of a vanilla bean, topped with intricately flavored foams, blasted with liquid nitrogen, or pumped with tasteful airs from the sea or a vegetable, and is not really quite air anyway but the phospholipidic lecithin. Essentially this is no different from molecular gastronomy, or scientific cooking, but when writer Peter Meehan asked WD-50 chef Wylie Dufresne to label this process of drink making, Dufresne commented, "It's my job to cook. It's your job to come up with the names for it." Meehan deems at the end of the article that "molecular mixology" will do for now. Who knew the mainstream-influential NYT would be the maker of markers?

2. Britain's National Dental Survey found that 60% of their residents used screwdrivers, scissors, knives, keys, needles, forks, earrings, and the like to remove food stuck in their teeth. This unfortunately does nothing for the stereotype. (Reuters)

3. A $70b tax break bill has passed through the Republican-dominant Senate yesterday with a 54-44 vote. With a name that was probably polled, the "Tax Increase Prevention Act" has been met with criticism from Democrats and non-profits as favoring the wealthy and oil companies. Provisions that have been dropped include one closing out an inventory accounting practice, "last in, first out," done by big oil that lowers their tax burden, and another that allowed for a $4,000 deduction for college tuition. Republicans hope that the passage of this bill boosts the party's and Bush's currently low approval ratings. (Washington Post)

4. In response to Google's treading on its hood first, Microsoft will be launching its first search-advertising network this month. Google, of course, will be offering new services that undoubtedly is making Microsoft sweat some: the Google Desktop with widgetlike Gadgets; Google Notebook, a web-based note-taking program; and Google Trends, a frequency charter for specific search terms over certain periods. Let the tech blood spill. (Business Week)

5. The quote this week that will tide you over your weekend dose withdrawal comes from Josh Lucas who told EW recently about his Poseidon adventures, "Anytime you put a lot of grips and special-effects people in water, there's going to be urine ... And you got comfortable to the point where you were drinking it." Ah, the real Water World, I see. (Daily News)

The Superferry, The Nukak, "Do an R. Kelly," Big Brother, and The Highest Paid Actor is...

Well, not him, but this is a Nukak boy with the cutest monkey ever.

1. "Like anything else, you're never going to make everyone happy," said Warren Watanabe, a member of the Superferry advisory panel. Unfortunately the island-bridging Superferry in planning in Hawaii is hardly making anyone happy, pissing off environmentalists, farmers, locals, lawyers and lawmakers. Set to ferry passengers around the islands on July 1, 2007, the $235m project has mainly raised concerns in disturbing the environmental equilibrium, say, injuring humpback whales or transporting species that are not meant to spread across islands, such as the biting ant. But the awesomeness of it lies in the $42 fare and its ability to carry 900 people and 250 cars, which you can just poot poot off onto another island then! (CNN)

2. Troi Torain or Star of "The Star and Bucwild Morning Show" of 105.1 has been fired by Clear Chanel for his disgusting remarks to the 4-year-old daughter of rival, DJ Envy of Hot 97. The comment that got him fired? "If you didn't hear me, I said, I would like to do an R. Kelly on your seed, on your little baby girl. I would like to tinkle on her." He then offered $500 to the listener that would track the 4 year old down and called Envy's Asian-African wife a "slant-eyed whore wife." Torain (as well as his morning show team) had been fired by Hot 97 in 2001 for playing sound effects of a plane crashing and a woman screaming after Aaliyah's death. Some people never learn. (All Hip Hop)

3. The NSA has been warrentlessly compiling phone information for tens of millions of Americans with the help of three telecommunication companies--AT&T, Verizon, BellSouth (Qwest has refused to provide the info)-- since the 9/11 attacks. Most of the Americans under surveillance aren't even suspected of any crime. Be reassured, the invasive and massive database's purpose is to find and track any terrorist pattern or activity--the NSA does not listen to the phone calls. Nonetheless if you're a customer to the above companies--who isn't?--the government now has detailed records of any domestic calls you made, which is interesting because only a year ago, Bush said that the NSA was interested only in international calls. Thank you Qwest for your lone commendable pushback. (USA Today)

4. Destined to be turned into a movie by a brilliant Hollywood executive, some 80 members, pet monkeys in tow, of the Nukak-Makú hunter-gatherer tribe left their life and home in the Amazon jungle and joined the modern world. They have no concept of money, government, property, the existence of Columbia, or, as the NYT points out, aerodynamics, but would nonetheless "want to join the white family [Columbian society]" but not "forget the words of the Nukak."

5. Completely sweet. Chris Tucker is now the highest paid actor in Hollywood, landing $25 million for reprising his role in Rush Hour 3. Apparently Rush Hour 2 earned the most out of any comedy. Wait a sec...what about Jackie Chan? (Contact Music)

Fast Food Backlash, Female Face Readers, Google V. Microsoft, TV Not Real, and Britney: Not Fat

Yes. Wilmer. Avril. Yes.

1. Coming out of UC Santa Barbara is a study that shows that women are damn good at judging the book by its cover. Results show that evolution has programmed women to pick out paternal figures and fling material by looking at a guy's face. In the set of the male sluttier, women were able to look at a guy's face and sense the high level of testosterone. Those guys turned out to have the most masculine facial features. Hm...all this and still the unrelenting bawling aftermath to dating? Can there be a study done if women are just masochists? (AP)

2. Celebrity divorces are no surprise to anyone, but who would expect the golden couple of McDonald's and Disney to end its "10-year exclusive partnership"/affair? It was so enjoyably sterile to both parties, but alas, the growing reports of growing waistlines in children and the fatty junky McFoods drove Disney away. (The Independent)

3. In the same vein, Fast Food Nation has been adapted as a film, not a documentary, directed by slackery Richard Linklater and due out this year. Much to be anticipated--with a cast of Patricia Arquette, Wilmer Valderrama, and Avril Lavigne.

4. Looking for the nerdiest fight ever? Well, look no further from your computer screen. If you haven't been picking up the paper for the past few years, the NYT has compacted the Google-Microsoft battle for talent, for software, for customers, all into one neat article. Posed as the one-hit wonder right now with its ad sales, Google has a lot to prove with its developing free web-based services. Microsoft, with the much bigger bank, already has demonstrated in its track record its ability to knock down any of its challengers, i.e. Netscape, Apple (with Windows). But whoever wins out, "how the Microsoft-Google confrontation plays out could shape the future of competition in computing and how people use information technology." Very melodramatic recycled news reporting.

5. Again, if you're hidden from the world, Britney Spears is officially preggerz again. Spears announced the news last night to David Letterman. "Don't worry, Dave, it's not yours," she said. "Oh. Well, I think that's good news for both of us," Letterman answers. Ouch, but I haven't read any article since that has her saying it's K-Fed's... but I suppose I could just be looooking for it. (AP)

6. In your face Internet Explorer! Nintendo has announced today that the Wii video game console will be using the Opera browser as Wii needed "a browser that was fast and secure." Well, probably not so much in IE's face--Microsoft has its own competing Xbox 360, but why not create obviously fake drama when you can? (CNET)

7. The Department of Health and Human Services has produced a viewers guide for tonight's ABC made-for-TV movie, "Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America." Favorites so far?

Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America is a movie, not a documentary. It is a work of fiction designed to entertain, not a factual accounting of a real-life event... An especially severe influenza pandemic could lead to high levels of illness, death, social disruption, and economic loss. Everyday life would be disrupted because so many people in so many places become seriously ill at the same time. Impacts can range from school and business closings to the interruption of basic services such as public transportation and food delivery.

Oh, and don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. (ABC)

Lindsay Lohan in the 'Bloids, Travolta Weirder than Scientology, Star's Dismal View, and Knight Rider Readies for Theater

1. NYT decides to walk the line between tabloid journalism and their usual serious respected kind by covering the tabloid positioning of Lindsay Lohan. Considering the subject matter, and, uh, covering the accomplishments of said subject, one doesn't have to wonder for too long if the Times manages to escape the gossip pull despite their own positioning.

2. Poor Star Jones. Page 6 reports that this View host will be getting the boot, a condition that Rosie O'Donnell is rumored to have worked out in joining the show, which Barbara Walters was only too glad to grant. Though, Jones's reps deny this, reports of Gayle King, Oprah's best friend, joining the lineup can't possibly be calming them in the least.

3. Donning surprisingly ripped leggings, Lindsay Lohan hung outside of Hotel Gansevoort Sunday afternoon, kissing model James Burke, who is also the ex of her bff, Kate Moss. Moss and Burke were together in January but split due to Burke's having a live-in girlfriend at the time. Lohan is in town promoting Just My Luck and probably also partying. (TMZ)

4. Knight Rider series creator Glen A. Larson will be writing and executive producing the movie adaptation of the TV show for Weinstein Co. No comment from Larson if the original cast members--Hasselhoff and uncredited voice of KITT--will return at all in the adaptation. (Reuters)

5. When John Travolta showed up anywhere in the Tribeca Grand Hotel last week, the music had to be turned off upon his arrival, naturally weirding out guests. The Church of Scientology takes no credit for this though as its spokesman John Carmichael says, "There are no church prohibitions against any kind of music at all." (Daily News)

Prince Harry Does Oral, South Korea Does Plastic, Bush Does Scary, Cruise Does Lifts, and Duke Does Incompetency

1. The British gossip mill is abuzz as pictures of Prince Harry showing off his oral sex skills on a doll are being pitched for sale to tabloids. Guess there was enough breathing time between this and the Nazi costume. (Daily News)

2. South Korea has been seeing an interesting trend of unconventional gift-giving. Move over sweets, money, and flowers. Cosmetic surgery, mainly in the form of botox, face lifts and hair transplants, is vying for ma's and pa's love, with appointments at clinics rising 50% on Parents Day this year over five years ago. Gentle reminder that the U.S.'s Mother's Day is around the corner and if you're needing some ideas...*twiddle thumbs* (Reuters)

3. Over the weekend, Bush shared his wisdom to some Oklahoma State graduates: "Science offers the prospect of eventual cures for terrible diseases - and temptations to manipulate life and violate human dignity." He then quickly snapped out of his James Earl Jones voice and chuckled with his shoulders. (AP)

4. Something odd happened at LA's premiere of MI3, outside of the apparent pairing and constituents of TomKat itself. The diminutive Tom Cruise was literally seeing eye to eye with the statuesque "Kate" Holmes, which leads many to surmise that his shoes were hiding lifts. Or maybe he got that Chinese tibia grafting surgery... eee... painful... but so is Tom himself... so, apropos. (Daily News)

5. The response from Duke University officials basically sucked, according to a report by ex-Princeton President William Bowen and ex-NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund Julius Chambers. Well, really in words of the report, the "gap in communication" was "extraordinary," pointing out the failure of the Duke police to communicate to the administration the racial aspect of the attack, the delay of a week in alerting Duke President Richard Brodhead, and the "handicapped" and "limited diversity" of convening leaders in addressing the crisis (five white men). (NYT)

Permanent Puppy Fat, Naked Madonna, Autistic Children, Editing Bono, and Thank You Tom Cruise

1. "You'll lose your baby fat," everyone used to tell you as a kid. Well, a five-year study of 6,000 kids proved that consolatory statement to be wrong wrong wrong. A clinical psychologist and professor of University College London, Jane Wardle says, "Any notion of 'puppy fat' disappearing upon maturation must be abandoned. Children who are obese when they enter secondary school will very likely leave it obese." It's like finding out Santa isn't real. (Daily Mail)

2. Madonna, 47, will appear topless in W magazine. Dressed as an equestrian, she will total 58 pages in W magazine and will be photographed by Steven Klein. How Sharon Stone of her, minus the bad movie. (Female First)

3. Thanks to Tom Cruise, none of us can just ultrasound our babies whenever we wish. The California Assembly has just approved a bill today that would allow only licensed professionals to buy ultrasound machines. What next, no more crazy bouts of couch jumping? MI3 better be good. (AP)

4. A national study in yesterday's CDC's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report finds that autism is more "widespread" than thought, in 300,000 US children, or 1 out of 175, which, really, translates to .5%...ooooh. C'mon Tribune, lets use "widespread" when we reach integral percentages. (Chicago Tribune)

5. After his stint as a guest editor for BBC Radio 4 to raise awareness on global poverty, philanthropic Bono will be editing The Independent, the daily UK newspaper, for one day to bring more attention to AIDs in Africa. Someone get him and Angelina Jolie together already. (BBC)

Autistic Mice, Five Elephants, The Forever Stamp, Pervert Kim, and La Lohan Hooks Up

Really? Five elephant babies?

1. Researchers at UT Southwestern Medical Center are finding that deleting the Pten gene in mice's brain change the mice's behavior to something reminiscent of autism, which is interesting since some people with autism show mutation in their Pten gene. More importantly, this will finally satisfy the public's overwhelming demand for socially awkward mouse pets. (IBN Live)

2. Move over diamonds. The Postal Service (think delivery, not Death Cab) decides to take "forever" with what else? Forever stamps. That's right, for a cool 42 cents, versus 42k, you can buy a stamp that lasts forever, that disregards all laws of mailing inflation--or deflation--and captures the present in all its untasty glory. So say goodbye to your past, present, and future two-cent flings. This is something you can commit to--that is, if you're still actually mailing. (AP)

3. Gossip bees are buzzing that Lindsay Lohan might have come between Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos. La Lohan and Niarchos were spotted recently, though after the breakup, drinking and dirty dancing together at LA's Element, with *gasp* Niarchos sticking his hand up her skirt. Fast forward a few days, and Niarchos was seen leaving her Chateau Marmont room, or as I'd like to call it, her den of sin. Brett Ratner who? (MSNBC)

4. At her book talk at Bergdorf Goodman yesterday, Madeline Albright took some jabs at North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

"I had the rather dubious honor of being the highest-level American official to ever meet with Kim Jong-Il. We didn't know a lot about him. Our intelligence said that he was crazy and a pervert... He's not crazy."

This reported for the North Korean dictator? Oh Daily News, I'm sure he's been called worse.

5. Weighing in at five baby elephants, Manuel Uribe might be the heaviest person in the world. Bedridden for the past five years and abandoned by his wife who feared his increasing size a decade ago, the 1,200 pound Uribe is hoping to go to Modena, Italy from Mexico to receive a free intestinal bypass. Stranger still is that despite his extreme obesity, his cholesterol and blood-sugar is in check. Stranger yet is Uribe's comment on his breakup: "She left me because she must have thought I was dying." Aside from making that mental note to use that as a breakup line, one has to wonder about the legitimacy behind abandoning loved ones at their deathbed. (Reuters)

Sick Americans, Sodaless Children, $100K Mommies, Erectile Dysfunction, Crazy-Beautiful, and In TV We Trust

1. Despite spending twice per person on health care as England, the United States still ends up with sicker citizens. According to a study in the Journal of The American Medical Association, Americans, immaterial of class status or national lifestyle, show higher rates of diabetes, strokes, cancer, and heart and lung disease. The article gets good though when it talks about how some experts attribute the mysterious result to the U.S.'s more diverse population. However, when researchers removed minorities from the sample, the results for white Americans were the same--still sicker. (AP)

2. In a shocking pharmaceutical move, Pfizer and Eli Lilly will be shifting their marketing strategies for their respective products, Viagra and Levitra. In their new ad campaigns, erectile dysfunction will be portrayed as a "medical condition" instead of a "lifestyle concern." This is to capture a greater share of the market and curb their disappointment from recent years' slumping sales. Funny how the sales and the "condition" run parallel. (AP)

3. To fight the battle against fat children, Cadbury Schweppes, Coca Cola, PepsiCo, and the American Beverage Association have agreed to a deal announced by the William J. Clinton Foundation: to halt nearly all soda sales in public schools. Under the deal, the distributors can sell only water, unsweetened juice, and low-fat milk. Yeah, even I wouldn't go near that. Go dehydrated fat children. (Fox News)

4. Results from a global survey by the BBC, Reuters, and The Media Centre, found that the BBC, Fox News, and Al Jazeera are the most trusted brands in their respective countries. Other findings were that national television is the most trusted news source, the Internet is becoming more trustworthy, and blogs are simultaneously trustworthy and not ...aka blogs are the most sexy news source out there. (Reuters)

5. Moms in the U.S. deserve $134,121 for their work each year, according to a Salary.com study, which compared the role to related jobs, i.e. houskeeper, day-care teacher, cook, etc. Remember this next time you hear a nasty divorce debate. (Reuters)

6. Jessica Simpson is on the prowl for one prey in particular, and according to Star, it's none other than James Blunt. One of the more potential bizarre pairings to date though obviously not most. *cough*tomkat*cough*

Minors Drink, The Killers are American, Boliva Nationalizes Gas, Anna Nicole Wins for Now, and Spring Babies Not So Spring

1. Bolivia's President Evo Morales announced yesterday that he will be nationalizing the country's natural gas industry, aligning with his said plan of nationalizing all natural resources. Companies that refuse to sign contracts within six months recognizing state control will be forced to leave the ol' "donkey on a gold mine." Not the most pleasant thing to be called by others but it probably won't be seeing anytime on Valderrama's Yo Mama... well, that's probably a good thing. (CNN)

2. After getting married, seeing Hot Fuss go triple platinum, and touring the world, The Killers' Brandon Flowers says he's 12 years old again, or, uh, as he prefers to call it, reborn. Though his music was very much influenced by the English, it dawned on him that he was not English. "... I got married, and you look at things differently. I mean, I don't really know anything about Manchester, England. I've been there a couple of times, and I realized, 'This feels like the Smiths, but it's not me.' " That said, expect American influences, particularly Springsteen, on their next, self-described, optimistic album. (MTV)

3. The Supreme Court just approved Anna Nicole Smith's pursuit to claim her husband's fortune, overturning a U.S. States Court of Appeal ruling that the case should remain in the Texas state probate court. Justice Ginsberg explains this ruling on the basis that Smith's accusation of her late husband Howard Marshall II's son's wrongdoing against her that makes this case more than a probate matter, which means that the case will be heading back to the federal district court, and given the nature of the relationship between the junior Marshall and Smith, it will likely stay there. (NYT)

4. Those born in spring and the early summer surprisingly exhibit darker traits than those in autumn and early winter, according to a study published in this month's British Journal of Psychiatry. Results from the largest suicide sampling ever (26,915) showed that, compared to their counterparts, the brighter seasoned babies had a 17% increased suicidal inclination, which was more pronounced in females (29.6%) than males (13.7%). The Priory Group, a mental health organization, also found more people commit suicide in May than any other month. Whoa, whatever happened to the bringing of May flowers? (Manchester Online)

5. Want to make lots of money? Perhaps selling to underage drinkers is the way to go, as a Columbia U study points out the demographic spends $22.5 billion on alcohol, which translates to 1/6 of the industry's sales. Also, remember the way to their livers is beer. That's 75% of minors' alcohol of choice. Also, remember that in no way does the alcohol industry support such behavior that shoves money in their pockets. President of the Beer Institute, Jeff Becker, comments, "Over the past two decades, our members have invested more than $50 million a year on prevention programs that help parents talk to their children about this very serious issue." Tobacco, is that you? (Washington Times)

And so, Genibo, Empire State, Yahoo Tech, Fruit Flies, and Caesarean Children Suck You Back to Your Cubehole

Sit, Genibo, sit. Good "dog."

1. It howls, looks at you inquisitively, wags its tail, raises its hind leg threateningly, and shuffles around nonsensically like any other dog, but Genibo is anything but. Genibo, or "genius robot," is a mechanized hound from South Korea's DasaTech that can act on voice commands and be a watchdog, with a camera in its snout. One thing for sure, this pup can do a mean robot dance. Check it out here and for whatever reason, the company decided to end the movie with a slow zoom into an extreme close up of the robot's right eye, of its eerily empty and dancing red and blue pupilar lights.

2. In a Google-like ad-driven move, Yahoo introduces Yahoo Tech, a site of original material devoted to consumer technology via blogs, articles, product reviews, and video programs. Tech's General Manager Patrick Houston says, there was "a big, big opportunity for a site that is built especially for people who have neither the time nor the inclination to understand technology at the bit-and-byte level." Where is the tech appreciation these days...uh...outside of the crappy retro exhibit at the MOMA which features the original Ipod? (IHT)

3. Look at the skyline today and scream Happy Birthday for a reason! The Empire State Building reaches its three-quarter century today and is rather deserving of some embarrassment and imparted idiocy. Don't forget to throw a bone to super cool directors John Woo and Wes Anderson. I'm already on my way to the 375th Street Y as you read. (CBS)

4. Children of the caesarean might be missing out big time compared to their vag-exiting counterparts. German researchers recently tested out mice babies and found that babies who pop out of the birth canal swallow bacteria scraps from the canal and their mothers' feces that encourage healthy guts and digestion. A 2004 study on human babies seemingly concurs, showing caesarean babies were more diarrhea-prone than the naturally born in their first year of life. Maybe I'm not an expert or anything, I don't know, but the natural solution here for this unnatural delivery, it seems to me, is to shove a piece of poo into the mouths of crying newborns. No? (Nature)

5. Remember studying drosophila in high school and then getting paid half a million for it? Neither do I, but Californian neuroscientist and biologist Dr. Seymour Benzer would probably have a hard time forgetting after receiving the Albany Medical Center Prize in Medicine and Biomedical Research for his work on the flies, humans, and the link between genes and behavior. In his acceptance speech, Benzer commented on his students' recent research, particularly one experiment where female fruit flies change their behavior in the vein of increased eating and decreased sexual appetite after being injected with a sperm imitation. All I can say is, same here. Same here. (NYT)